A Goodbye to Childhood
by reikofish
Summary: When Mello's whole world is collapsing before his eyes, the only one he will listen to is Matt. One-shot: Mello x Matt friendship.


_I don't own Death Note… or the characters._

Mello knew at once that something was amiss. Roger's eyes were sunken and tired, the same stormy grey as the horrid weather outside. The old man looked at him and Near above his glasses, studying the two child geniuses.

"What's wrong Roger?" Mello asked, too impatient to wait out the man's apparent reverie. Mello hadn't suspected anything wrong when the two were called into the office. He was used to the special attention they both got, as they have been the top of their class for some time. But in this occasion, the air was different. No discussion of competition, no talk of placement of classes, only that sad, tired stare.

"L's dead," Roger finally replied. Mello stood shocked, like his brain couldn't comprehend.

Then, like a sudden storm, a thousand questions were running through his young mind. L was working the Kira case, he knew, and he knew full well the risk of working a case like that, but never did he believe that L would die. L always survived his cases. He always came back to check on his orphans, to watch their progress. He was that god-like figure that was always hanging above Mello, pushing him to succeed. How can that god fall down to earth so quickly? He fingered the cross around his neck.

The thoughts that built in Mello's head multiplied and overflowed, racing through his mouth and spilling over. He advanced on Roger with words spiked with anger and confusion. The old man widened his eyes, clearly disturbed by the 14-year-old boy's rage.

However, Mello couldn't see it. He couldn't see anything. The fragile structure of the world as he now knew it was crumbling, and he had to find the pieces, fast.

_Click: _the sound of a puzzle piece cleanly fitting into place. "If we don't win the game, if we don't solve the puzzle – we're nothing more than failures."

Mello turned and looked at the small boy behind him. He had almost entirely forgotten about Near, still so calm, playing with his toy. A new set of questions and fears and angers hit him.

They were still competing.

Mello turned slowly back to Roger, his voice shaking slightly now. "So, L, between Near and me, who did he…?"

"I'm afraid he hadn't chosen yet, Mello," was Roger's answer, but Mello could have guessed. L was so young he wouldn't have already chosen one of his orphans as a successor. Orphans barely in their teens, still children to most. Roger's suggestion was to have them both work together.

Mello already made his decision, but didn't dare turn around. He couldn't stand to look at Near, because there would be no reaction on his face either way. Never any emotion, Mello sometimes wondered if that were better, but for now he would have to go with his gut.

"Impossible," was his curt reply, although his heart dropped to say it, "Near will be the one to succeed L." He still couldn't turn around and look at the white haired boy, but he could hear that there was a pause in the succession of clicking puzzle pieces. Near had no emotion; he would be able to solve the case calmly. Near had the best scores, always, no matter how hard Mello tried.

Mello could throw out all his selfish thoughts and emotional ways to achieve the same heights as Near. But he would be losing himself in the process, so he would not let himself. He could make a name for himself.

Before either of the others could reply, he had his final say: "I'm leaving. I'll live out my own way." With that, he turned on his heel and left the office, shutting the door without ever looking back.

…

A cool breeze hit Matt as he opened the door to the room he shared with Mello. The window leading to the roof was wide open. He sighed; he knew what kind of a mood Mello must be in to go out there, especially in this weather. After a brief hesitation, Matt decided it would be best to brave the weather with his friend, even if it meant taking the full blow of Mello's rage.

His clothing was instantly soaked, and he had to wipe his red hair from his face. He would have laughed at the great function of his goggles in the rain if he hadn't caught a glimpse of Mello's face.

Mello didn't turn to look at him, didn't react at all to the sudden invasion of his private moment. He didn't stop staring at some invisible fascination deep within the clouds. Matt couldn't stop staring at his friend.

All the usual toughness and angst seemed washed away. The creases gathered around his eyes, the downturned mouth, and the fierce determination in his eyes, all softened. The face framed by dripping blonde hair was that of a child, and reminded Matt of his friend when they were younger. When Mello didn't care as much about the rankings as he did running down the halls, laughing with his best friend.

"L's dead," Mello stated finally, still not turning to look at Matt. He said it as if it was a simple matter. Matt didn't know how to react. He, of course, was also feeling the crushing blow of this news, but couldn't imagine how Mello was feeling at the moment. He risked a question:

"And, the successor…?"

"Near." Again, Mello said very simply. Matt still didn't know how to react, to ask questions, to console his friend. He frankly had no insight on Mello's mind; it was too well guarded by the boy's blank stare.

Silence again. Mello didn't stop staring at the spot somewhere up in oblivion, and it was driving Matt crazy. He knew Mello was hurting, and it would kill him to bottle up so much emotion. As much as he hid it, Mello was one of the most emotional people at the orphanage.

"Mello?" Matt tried, softly at first. No response.

"Mello?" he tried again. Still nothing. Even as his voice grew louder, nothing would break his friend's stupor.

"Mihael!" Matt finally shouted. Mello suddenly turned at looked at him with a hint of the determined flame in his eyes, but it was masked by a dark sadness.

"_I_ told Near to succeed L. It was _my_ decision," he shouted, but Matt couldn't tell whom Mello was trying to convince. He continued with a softer tone. "I couldn't just take someone's place, be somebody's replacement. I'm not first in line, but Near really isn't either. He's second to L. So what does that make me? Third?"

"Worked fine for me," Matt commented, but immediately regretted it. Mello turned away and sighed.

"You never wanted what L had. You could have been first if you had tried a little harder and stopped with your endless gaming. It's different for me. I tried."

"No," Matt replied, staring at the water rushing from the mouth of a gargoyle at the end of the roof. "I never had the personality." He focused back on the tormented blue eyes he had watched almost every day. Those eyes, always sharpened by such protectiveness when he was watching over him. When Mello would step in front of the bullies, and pull Matt away from danger. Those eyes so focused in his studies, hunched over at his desk. That was when Matt knew not to disturb him.

This time, he found them rimmed with red, but he couldn't tell if the water on his face was salty, or merely as fresh as the rest of the falling rain.

"Matt, you used my real name back then." It was a statement, not a question or an accusation. "We haven't used our real names since we were very little."

"You think I would have forgotten?" Matt said with a slight smirk. "You were quite the unforgettable little kid."

"Now is _that_ why you couldn't stop following me everywhere?" Mello teased, but his voice still trembled slightly. He paused, then said, "I'm leaving."

"I knew you would."

"I have connections… well, my family has connections…" Mello continued, as if he were still unsure of his plan.

"The Mafia? Do you really think that's a good idea? I mean, you are only 14," Matt exclaimed, clearly worried.

"I'm almost 15, and do you think I can't handle it?" Mello retorted, sending Matt daggers through his eyes.

"I could never doubt you Mello, you know that," Matt insisted. "But you should also know that I'm coming with you."

For the first time that night, Mello's entire body exuded all the emotion he had been holding back. "Absolutely not," he said.

"Don't think you can protect me from anything!" Matt said angrily.

"Fuck, Matt, I can't be responsible for you!"

"I know that," Matt continued, softer. "But what would I do here? Near is L, and you would be gone. I would be bored. I would end up blowing the place up or something. You have to take me to save the other orphans here!"

Mello genuinely smiled at that, but he still had doubts. "I couldn't stand myself forcing you into some underground hell. I may be safe, but I can't say the same for you."

"Nothing would happen if I'm with you," Matt said, quite determined. "You could raise a hell even the toughest mobsters wouldn't be able to stop. You've always been my guardian angel, ever since I can remember. Mihael… the angel of loyalty." Even if it made Matt feel silly to say such religious references, he knew it had its desired effect on Mello. Mello didn't say anything, but Matt could tell by the relaxing of his shoulders that he accepted Matt's offer.

Tracing the outline of the cross that always hung from his neck, Mello turned back to that spot in the distance. "Do you hear them?" he asked. Matt turned and listened hard to what Mello could possibly be talking about. He suddenly picked up the faraway sound, scarcely recognizable under the sound of endless water drops hitting the roof around them.

"Church bells"

"It's a funeral," Mello observed. "It could have been L's…"

"The sounds are so beautiful, I would hate it to be because of something so sad." Matt said, still listening to faint timbre in the distance.

"No, they are ringing for us too," Mello decided. "It is a celebration for our new lives. For Mail and Mihael." He raised a hand to the sky, as if he was toasting.

Matt copied the gesture. "And a goodbye. A goodbye to L, to Wammy's, to our lives here."

Mello then did something Matt hadn't seen for many years. Mello let go of all his blockades, his masks, everything to hide his real emotion from the outside world. He leaned his head against Matt's shoulder, angelic blonde hair spilling over onto his neck and back, and cried. Silent sobs wracked his slight body, tears falling for all the loss, all the goodbyes, but also for the fear of the unknown future.

Matt put his arm around his best friend, acting as the guardian for once, allowing Mello to be vulnerable for once before they stepped out into the dark, hardened world. At least they would be together, always.


End file.
